The Challenge of Submission

By Linda J. Waiters © 2003

This article, dealing with submission as it pertains to a relationship between a man and woman, has been forthcoming for some time now. The delay was not because I did not have substantial Word from God on the subject to share with you, but because I was not in the position of submission to Him myself. Therefore, I could not deliver it to you until I received a release from Him. Praise God, however, the storm has passed over and I am now able to move forward because He has been merciful in allowing me to get back into my proper position.

I had become inpatient in the area of waiting for my God sent husband, and experienced all kinds of turmoil. But when it was all said and done, I chose to obey James 4:7, which instructs us to “[s]ubmit yourselves therefore to God, [r]esist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Due to my impatience, in a few cases, my naiveté and transparency nearly caused me to become ensnared. Fortunately however, through the grace of God I did not fall, although it was a fight to maintain my integrity. In all honesty, there were times when I lost ground. But the fact that I love God, and I know God loves me and wants the best for me caused God’s will to win the war that raged in my soul. Once I chose to wait on God, the release to write this piece came forth.

Here is how it all began. As I struggled through God’s “process” for my life, circumstances told me that God’s answer to my prayers for a family was to “Wait.” Often, being sanctified places a demand on children of God that can almost be unbearable. For instance, for me, there were times when I would go out to dinner and literally feel like a spirit of loneliness would sit down at the table with me. Of course, I would take authority over the attack, but nothing I did brought permanent relief from the loneliness I suffered. God was ordering my steps, and I had to continue to walk through the process – alone. Fasting and prayer did not seem to help because, at the time, I did not realize that the issue was the need for my will to die. Nevertheless, while your flesh is screaming, the love for God in your heart restrains you to a certain degree. Ultimately, you cannot leave Him, and He won’t let you go. Yet, as I waited for my promised husband to enter my life, Satan unmercifully tormented me during this period with the fact that my nest is empty and my immediate family is deceased (which depressed me at times because I miss them). During the fight, God brought this Word before me in Psalms 45:10 (AMP) which says: “Hear, O daughter, consider, submit, and consent to my instruction: forget also your own people and your father’s house[.]” Still, it all became so overwhelming that I decided I had to do “something,” so I got out there a little more to avail myself to be “found” by the man God had for me. I decided I would no longer walk alone.

Now you know trouble jumped in with both feet at that point – right (laugh). Yes, I said laugh – what else can you do but cry, and that accomplishes nothing. Throughout this process God has literally used laughter as a balm to heal my soul. So the Lord allowed me to meet a man, whose perception of his encounter with me – “the mighty woman of God walking in strength and power” or so I thought at the time (laugh) – would serve as an illustration God would later use to show me myself. I won’t reveal his identity of course; but, for the sake of conversation I’ll just call him “Jonathan,” who is also a minister of the Gospel. As Jonathan and I began to discover each other, he was stunned by my “strong will,” and became quite frustrated with me. Finally, one day he laid down “the law” and told me I needed to “allow God to soften me up so I could start submitting to him.” (My paraphrase.) “Submit!” – As you might imagine, to me that was the same as being cursed at. So do I need to say what happened next? Laugh! Oh . . . have no fear – Jonathan is still alive and kicking – with someone else and not me – laugh! But out of that relationship this piece was born.

As a child of God first, and a woman of God second, my place is to yield to what the Lord God Almighty speaks into my life. Unfortunately, even though I am the strong woman God has made me to be spiritually, there are still areas where my flesh is just as strong – after all of these years. Be not dismayed though (smile), I am “dying daily.” Additionally, He made me a goal-oriented person. I tackle any assignment with everything in me. I will do and do and re-do whatever I put my hands to until it’s right, because I am a representative of the Most High (perfection NO – excellence Yes). If I can just decide, it will be done. I write the vision, frequently review each objective, and walk out every milestone until the vision is accomplished. That is the way I approached the issue of marriage. It was just another objective for me to achieve so I could get on with life and complete what I was sent here by God to accomplish. I was very focused and knew exactly what I wanted – and bless God I was going to have it. I had no time for all the playing around and trivial hinderances. My attitude was, “Let’s just do this thing!” (Laugh.) Unfortunately, one-on-one relationships cannot be approached in this manner. As focused as I was as it related to reaching my goal in the area of marriage, the men God allowed me to meet were equally as uncertain. It is no wonder why really, because unintentionally my approach was simply overwhelming them. Jonathan’s perception was that “I tried too hard.” When to me, I simply knew what I wanted, was ready for it, and did not see the need to waste time with all the other “stuff” we were encountering (laugh).

Finally, however, I reached a place where all I could do was go to the alter and continue to place the issue before God. I realized that I was only struggling with Him and there was no way I could ever win that fight. I told Him I would just keep coming back until He did something. At the same time, as it says in Psalm 62:5 (AMP), I had to tell “[m]y soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him.” What I wanted and needed could only be supplied by God, since He is the one who fashions and equips the me He has created. You can become so entrenched in the will of God until, try as you might, you cannot maneuver, create, or bring about anything that hinders God’s will for your life. Fortunately, that was the rhema Word I received from God in my quest. He spoke into my heart that He would block anything and anyone from my life that would keep me from His will for my life. (My paraphrase.) And that is exactly what He has done. This was compounded by the fact that God has placed a holy fear in my heart against joining myself with anyone not on the Lord’s side. As a result, I learned to carefully watch for flags in this area and surprisingly met with unexpected disappointments in some cases. It was heartbreaking to meet men – calling themselves ministers of the Gospel – who called on the Name of the Lord and quoted the Word of God; but who were only perpetrating a fraud to gain access to women for sex and/or money. Fortunately, however, every disappointment turned out to be a blessing. It is refreshing to know that {no man} can curse what God has declared blessed. Glory to God! Thank the Lord God Almighty that He did not say He would not give me a great husband perfectly suited for me. Since God has the final word in all things, I still have hope that my desires shall be fulfilled. In the midst of it all, I realized that my research has been my preparation for the time of that wonderful union in my life.

With that said, let’s delve into this topic of submission . . .

As soon as a man says the word “submit,” a woman’s barrier instantly goes up like the shield of faith should go up when a fiery dart from the enemy comes our way. “Submit!” cries the woman, “I’ll tell you what you can do with “your submit!” And the rest is history. Come on guys, you know what I’m saying here (laugh). Why is it that nurturing women all over the world: mothers, daughters, sisters, and aunts – you know, the ones who “pick up the ball” in those times when many men are “dropping the ball” – seemingly all have this same reaction to submission. I think the 20th chapter of Genesis, (AMP), will help us to understand why women take such a strong position when it comes to this subject.

Genesis 20
1NOW ABRAHAM journeyed from there toward the South country (the Negeb) and dwelt between Kadesh and Shur; and he lived temporarily in Gerar.
2And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister. And Abimelech king of Gerar sent and took Sarah [into his harem].
3But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said, Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken [as your own], for she is a man’s wife.
4But Abimelech had not come near her, so he said, Lord, will you slay a people who are just and innocent?
5Did not the man tell me, She is my sister? And she herself said, He is my brother. In integrity of heart and innocency of hands I have done this.
6Then God said to him in the dream, Yes, I know you did this in the integrity of your heart, for it was I Who kept you back and spared you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not give you occasion to touch her.
7So now restore to the man his wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not restore her [to him], know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours.
8So Abimelech rose early in the morning and called all his servants and told them all these things; and the men were exceedingly filled with reverence and fear.
9Then Abimelech called Abraham and said to him, What have you done to us? And how have I offended you that you have brought on me and my kingdom a great sin? You have done to me what ought not to be done [to anyone].
10And Abimelech said to Abraham, What did you see [in us] that [justified] you in doing such a thing as this?
11And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely there is no reverence or fear of God at all in this place, and they will slay me because of my wife.
12But truly, she is my sister; she is the daughter of my father but not of my mother; and she became my wife.
13When God caused me to wander from my father’s house, I said to her, This kindness you can show me: at every place we stop, say of me, He is my brother.
14Then Abimelech took sheep and oxen and male and female slaves and gave them to Abraham and restored to him Sarah his wife.
15And Abimelech said, Behold, my land is before you; dwell wherever it pleases you.
16And to Sarah he said, Behold, I have given this brother of yours a thousand pieces of silver; see, it is to compensate you [for all that has occurred] and to vindicate your honor before all who are with you; before all men you are cleared and compensated.
17So Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech and his wife and his female slaves, and they bore children,
18For the Lord had closed fast the wombs of all in Abimelech’s household because of Sarah, Abraham’s wife.

Okay, I’m just going to step out there and say it – someone has to – sometimes men can do stupid things (laugh).

Women go into overdrive over submission because we know that the man has the final say in the affairs of our lives, and we have to obey the man if we are going to stay in line with God’s will. See how Sarah had to subject herself to a man who, being driven by fear, put her very life in a dangerous position. As a result, not only was she subjected to a curse, but other innocent people were also cursed due to Abraham’s instructions. Instead of Abraham covering Sarah, he sent her out to cover himself. Men, in exchange for submission, a woman expects and deserves a proper covering which includes protection. And resentment comes into the hearts of women when they have big, strong, men in their lives who are negligent in this area of provision. Women fear being left in a vulnerable state and having to defend themselves after obeying a man’s “command.” With fear anywhere in the picture, you know blessings are stopped dead in their tracks.

SUBMISSION AND OBEDIENCE
As a result of my research, I found it interesting that obedience is tied to submission. If you will be honest, as you read the scriptures on this subject, you will see this premise throughout the Word. Think about it, if you submit to someone, you are obeying them (or at least giving in to them). In Proverbs 5:13 (AMP), the Word gives us a clear picture of the two, obedience and submission, working together. It reads as follows: “I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers nor submitted and consented to those who instructed me.” Whoops! This may reveal the root of the problem. Some of us are not “teachable.” Think about it, if “he can’t teach you nothing,” then why did you even choose him?

First – Submit to God
Before we can even approach this subject with any degree of seriousness, we must put first things first – submission begins with God. We must submit to God and His plan for our lives. We must not sell our birthright just to satisfy our flesh like Esau did in Genesis 25:29-34 (AMP). It reads as follows:

Jacob was boiling pottage (lentil stew) one day, when Esau came from the field and was faint [with hunger]. And Esau said to Jacob, I beg of you, let me have some of that red lentil stew to eat, for I am faint and famished! That is why his name was called Edom [red]. Jacob answered, Then sell me today your birthright (the rights of a firstborn). Esau said, See here, I am at the point of death; what good can this birthright do me? Jacob said, Swear to me today [that you are selling it to me]; and he swore to [Jacob] and sold him his birthright. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and stew of lentils, and he ate and drank and rose up and went his way. Thus Esau scorned his birthright as beneath his notice.

You and I also have a birthright as born-again believers in Jesus Christ. The Word tells us that we are seated in heavenly places according to Ephesians 2:5-7, which reads as follows: “Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.” We will also reign with the Lord Jesus Christ, which we learn in 2 Timothy 2: 11-12. It says: “It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us[.]” We simply must not yield to our flesh. Help us Lord!

Then – Submit to Your Own Spouse
Certain qualifications are mandatory before Biblical submission between a man and woman can even take place. As Jonathan soon discovered, there were some pre-requisites he had to complete before he was even in the position to command me to “submit” to anything. He was not over me in any type of authoritative role, nor was he my husband. Therefore, after submitting to God, you need to be joined in marriage with your spouse before submission even comes into play. Yielding one’s self to God, and His Word, so that His love can flow through you to your spouse has to come about because of your unconditional love for that man or woman you are in covenant with in spite of . . . whatever.

Let’s talk about Adam and Eve briefly. Here we learn of the first instance of people NOT submitting to God’s will, and the consequences thereof. God presented Eve to Adam, and you can read for yourselves what transpired in the Garden of Eden in Genesis chapters 2 through 4 where marriage was first instituted. Because of their disobedience they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden before they could do any more damage. Just think women, it could be worse – laugh. While 1 Timothy 2:14 tells us, “[a]nd Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression[,]” Genesis 3:6 shows us that the devil was talking to Eve while Adam was standing right there. Genesis 3:6 says: “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.”

Now I know there are some women out there who wish that Adam had stepped up to the plate, and that he had been the head of the house like he was supposed to be. Then we wouldn’t be in the state we are in today – right? But wait a minute now before we fix blame ladies, because Genesis 3:16 lets us know that up to that point God had not required a women to submit to a man. Yes ladies, read it and weep. After Adam and Eve’s rebellion, God decreed the following ordinance which we women are still under to this day. The Word in Genesis 3:16 reads accordingly, “Unto the woman he [God] said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” That’s where, and how, it all began ladies. Satan appealed to the ambition in Eve just as he continues to do with women today, and Eve’s ambition, unchecked, led to disorder. That in itself may be liberating to some of you right now.

WHAT SHALL WE DO? . . .
Since I personally have not mastered this in my own life, and am by no means an authority in this area, all I can do at this point is give you the Word and the little wisdom I have acquired through personal experience in this area. Like you, I am still a work in progress.

So here goes . . .

Submission Tips For Those Waiting On A Spouse From God
First, men and women, should be as emotionally healed and as whole as possible. Ensure there is no unforgiveness, bitterness, or resentment in your own heart from previous relationships before joining yourself to another.
Second, be sure the person you are with is someone YOU CAN submit to – don’t be unequally yoked. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the Word tells us: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”

Thirdly, 1 Peter 5:5 gives us great counsel. It says, “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder . . .” The account of Naomi and Ruth, in the book of Ruth, sets forth an excellent example of this. Let’s take a look at what I mean. Ruth 3:1-6 (NIV) reads as follows:

One day Naomi, [Ruth’s] mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not try to find a home for you, where you will be well provided for? Is not Boaz, with whose servant girls you have been, a kinsman of ours? Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.” “I will do whatever you say,” Ruth answered. So she went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. (Clarification added.)

I love it – Ruth knew a thing or two. She told Naomi, “Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go . . .” to a man who can cover you. If God doesn’t have you in a convent someplace, submit to the counsel of someone wiser than you in this area so you can be held accountable, and then trust God. He is not going to keep you from what He Himself instituted. Once God unites you in marriage with your Boaz or Naomi, submission begins.

Submission Tips for Both the Husband and Wife
In Ephesians 5:21, the Bible talks about “[s]ubmitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” 1 Peter 5:5 goes on to say ” . . . [y]e, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.” We are to worship God in spirit and in truth (John 4:24). Thankfully, the Amplified Bible illuminated worship for me in such a way that I was truly challenged, and hopefully you will be too. It translated Acts 10:35 as follows: “But in every nation he who venerates [or . . . he who goes to Church and participates in the praise and worship portion of service] and has a reverential fear for God, treating Him with worshipful obedience and living uprightly, is acceptable to Him and sure of being received and welcomed [by Him].” (Clarification added.) Our obedience to God’s commands, including submitting ourselves to one another, is a powerful method of actively worshipping the Lord in our everyday walk with Him.

Help for a Man to Understand Submission
Submission, again, starts with mankind submitting to God, and then to one another. However, it is almost taboo to even mention a man submitting to a woman in some circles. “What!” says the man, “I’m the man and the woman must submit to ME. I wear the pants in this house!” Yes, but God said submit to one another. How can you, as a man, demand submission from a woman when you yourself won’t submit to God first. We all must submit to instruction from the Word, if we are indeed His and disciples of Christ. As painful as it is, however, the hardships of life will eventually bring us all to the place where regardless of what we want – we will eventually obey God one way or the other. For instance, the Word in 1 Peter 3:6-7 (AMP) clearly establishes that a man’s prayers are hindered if he doesn’t treat his wife right.

It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you]. In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.] (Emphasis added.)

After a season of this men, I’d be willing to bet your whole attitude will change and you’ll submit not only to God but your wife too. Moreover, in Malachi 2, the Word tells us that the Lord will cut off the man that deals treacherously with the wife of his youth. In that passage we learn that a man can weep and cry at the very alter of God and God will not even regard it. Ephesians 5:28-29 tells us: “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church[.]”
Here is an illustration God allowed me to see that may help you with this. The next time you start speaking negatively about your wife. Maybe you are cursing at her, or being harsh and complaining about how she does not submit to you, stand before a mirror and just let it rip. Say it all word-for-word, and then . . . stand right there and realize that she is ONE with you; and everything you just said about her – you were saying about YOURSELF. We learn this principle of oneness in 1 Corinthians 6:16, which says, “What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.” You just tore your ownself down with your own mouth! Now you may have a revelation as to why you – man – are not growing and advancing. But verse 17 really brings it home men, it says, “But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.”

This brings us to the communion table. Every thing that a Christian man or woman does to the other, married or unmarried, is simultaneously being done to the Lord Jesus Christ. In Ephesians 5 verse 30, the Word makes it clear, “[f]or we are members of [H]is body, of [H]is flesh, and of [H]is bones.” (Emphasis added.) In 1 Corinthians 11:29, the Word says, “For [he or she who] eateth and drinketh unworthily (speaking of partaking of the Lord’s Supper – communion), [he or she] eateth and drinketh damnation to [him or herself], [because he or she has not rightfully discerned] the Lord’s body.” (Emphasis and clarification added.) Discerning the Lord’s Body IS NOT an event that only takes place when you are actually taking communion. It is something we all must do every time we interact with one of our brothers or sisters in the Lord. Consequently, if you abuse your Christian brother or sister verbally, emotionally, or physically, whether he or she is your spouse or not – concurrently – AT THE SAME TIME – you are doing the same thing to the Lord Jesus Christ, because he or she is a member of His Body and Spirit.

Men . . . your wife is not only bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh (conceptually), See Genesis 2:23; and, the two of you – plus the Lord – are one in spirit (literally), if you two are both born-again, See 1 Corinthians 6:17; but also, the two of you are joint heirs of God’s grace of life. As such, the scope of rendering due benevolence to each other is broadened beyond the realm of sexual intercourse (1 Corinthians 7:3). Submitting to each other, in every other area of life, releases the full range of each of your giftings, and establishes an impenetrable bond that no devil in hell can withstand. Insisting on your way however, just because you are the man, caps the great wealth of resources your wife carries and inhibits the blessings God intends you to enjoy (and vice-versa girls). Give and you shall receive, or should I say, submit and you shall receive submission.

Submission Tips for the Wife
The Word in Ephesians 5:22 makes it plain, “[w]ives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord[;]” and, Colossians 3:18 is the other witness that establishes the same point, “[w]ives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Is there anything I need to add? The only thing I can highlight is the Holy Ghost’s reiteration that a woman should submit to her “own” husband. Now maybe . . . just maybe . . . much of the confusion in your home would dissipate all together women, if you would not confront your husband with what some other man says – be it your pastor, your daddy, your brother, Uncle Harry, or co-worker Joe. Take all the chatter to God first and see if He won’t cause you to let Him handle it. I know you hear me on this. When you found that man you could submit to initially, you were selecting the future priest of your home. Would you appreciate interference from an outside source? I know I wouldn’t!

Help for a Woman to Submit
Ladies, we need to pray for a meek and quiet spirit as the Word describes in 1 Peter chapter 3. Don’t be afraid of meekness either ladies – it simply means that we are to put a harness on our amazing inner strength. Meekness is strength under control. It doesn’t mean we have to hide in a corner. Oh no! Our input should be heard and considered, but remember, the man has the final say. 1 Peter 3:1-5 states the following:

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [the lifestyle] of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well . . . (Emphasis and clarification added.)

Whoops! Looks like Sarah had deeper insight than what was revealed earlier in the Word. The scriptures listed above shows us that she knew something about submitting to Abraham that we can benefit from today girls. After re-reading Genesis 20:13 (AMP) where Abraham told Sarah, ” . . . This kindness you can show me: at every place we stop, say of me, He is my brother[,]” I noticed that from that point on there is no mention of Sarah complaining to Abraham, at any time, about what he wanted her to do. Subsequently, the passage in 1 Peter chapter 3 reveals that Sarah’s relationship with God enabled and undergirded her to be able to submit to Abraham – quietly. As crazy as his scheme was, Sarah’s trust was in God. Perhaps here we should recognize and embrace our power through prayer and relationship with God in the midst of submission to the men God allows us to marry.

Next, we’ve got to act like our Father and start calling those things that be not as though they were. In Romans 4:17, the Word says, “(As it is written, I have made thee a father of many nations,) before him whom he believed, even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were.” Speak words to uplift your man and not tear him down. And by all means, do not let others tear your man down with their words – remember what they say about him is also what they are saying about YOU – because you are one with your husband.

LASTLY . . . BENEFITS OF SUBMISSION

While I must end the discussion here, I am sure this is merely the beginning of my own enlightenment as I prepare for my upcoming adventure. Please keep me in your prayers as I strive to obey God myself in this interesting area of my own Christian walk.

NOTE: All scriptures are from the King James Version unless otherwise noted.
(AMP) = Amplified Bible
(NIV) = New International Version